As with any and all addictions professional help should be sought.
Codependency:
"Click here for definition"
The term I really appreciated was "Messiah Complex". In which a person will see problems in people and feel the need to "Fix it". Also, it is an addiction. An addiction to feeling needed and wanted. That human need for satisfaction that makes us feel happy with our lives.
All addictions are related to things that effect the way our brains produce chemicals. It gives us a sense of relief from whatever part of ourselves we are running from or to. A chase to constantly try to win a race in which we are always in last place. Breaking the cycle is key to finally defeating Addictive Behavior and finding happiness within.
LOVE: Where does love fit into all of this?
When we care about someone we always want what is best for them regardless. Becoming codependent begins when there is a need from both people. One need is troubling, the other is enabling. Both are feeding on one another and causing endless havoc.
I rattled the phrase "Toxic Relationship" one night, and never lived it down.
I was correct in my ideology and failed with my delivery.
A relationship that is toxic is just that TOXIC. Not all things on our planet are meant to bond together. The fact is we are humans, however not all of us are compatible. Lets not exclude other relationships. It does apply to any and all types of emotional bonds we hold with people. Your best friends, your family, and in the workplace.
The basis is all in how we feel about ourselves, and how to achieve the most gratification. Self identity is very important when trying to bounce back from an unhealthy or "Toxic" relationship. As with anything being created, it will not happen over night. Discipline and knowledge: two things you can never have enough of during this recovery. Stick to your guns, and try not to succumb to the urge to practice those behaviors.
Imagine trying to walk again, and every time you got it down... you intentionally break your legs again.
What would be the point?
Remain true to your regimen, and give yourself plenty of time. This is no race my friend. This is healing.
Eventually your legs will heal and you will be sprinting through life and loving it.
Change life up a bit when going through a "codependent separation". It will seem like the worst thing in the world at first. At this time you can begin surrounding yourself with "good" people. Individuals that have your best interest in mind and that you can trust.
Good vibes, or positive energy are infinite. Once passed on it continues forever, never stopped or altered. Imagine that breaking you free of all unhealthy negative energy. The void of that unhealthy energy in your soul will be replenished in a healthy way. Changing any vague outlook that one may have.
Listen to your world, it is always educating you on your next move.
Follow its lead and prosper from the knowledge.
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CODEPENDENCY TEST BELOW:
Take this test to find out if you're helping people who need or needing people to help:
1. Do you feel demeaned, hurt or offended when someone you love tells you they don't need your help?
2. In the last year, has anyone resorted to arguing, begging or raising their voice to get you to stop trying to help them?
3. If you had plenty of money and your child, sibling or parent had an addiction to drinking, spending, gambling or drugs, and they asked you for money to help with their necessary expenses (food, rent, clothes, bills), would you give them the money?
4. When someone shares a life or relationship problem with you, but doesn't ask for help, do you offer help or advice, anyway?
5. When you survey your relationships, do you find yourself surrounded by mostly people who need you?
6. Do you ever find yourself making excuses for the needy people in your life?
7. If someone you love has a substance abuse, emotional, spending or gambling problem, do you avoid confronting them?
8. Do you measure your self-esteem by how much someone depends on you?
9. Do you ever remind people where they would be without you?
A. If you answered 'yes' to any of the above, read the rest of this article and monitor yourself for the next 3 months to verify your answers.
B. If you answered 'yes' to 3 or more of the above, you may have a codependency problem. Read the rest of this article, get a trusted friend who is independent of you to keep you accountable, and read a couple books on the subject of co dependence.
C. If you answered 'yes' to 5 or more of the above, do 'A' & 'B' above and ask your friend to attend an alanon, narconon or codependents anonymous meeting with you.
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